Diagnosis Doesn’t Always Mean Disaster

I’m a writer. By birth, I am a creator. It’s in my mind every moment of the day; creativity is entwined in every fiber of my being.

But I think, by now, it’s a well-known fact that I haven’t been writing. I published The Rainbow Moment in 2017, and it’s been mostly radio static since, even in the midst of attempting to launch a book that has changed lives and healed hearts just as I intended it to.

For the past few years, I have attributed my lack of creativity to depression. It felt like an endlessly deep and dark depression, even after I started taking anti-depressants in the spring of 2019. Symptoms like apathy and a complete lack of motivation were somewhat medicated with Zoloft, and my then-doctor saw no issue with prescribing me higher dosages when I felt like it wasn’t helping.

The thing is, that wasn’t my key issue. We were only masking depression-like symptoms, and that knowledge crept up on me slowly - that no one was looking for the root cause of my issues.

It’s one thing to see that I was grieving and want to treat the sadness. It’s another thing entirely to not look for the underlying cause of my health-related concerns.

After a particularly harsh “attack” of depression over the summer and an onslaught of harsher symptoms in August, I sought out a new doctor. This one listened to each of my symptoms and bounced ideas back to me. There was a give-and-take, an exchange of information, as she revealed to me things that were further symptoms that I had no idea were happening as effects of my root cause. She conducted a full round of targeted bloodwork to discern the most likely cause of my issues.

Two weeks ago, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Disease. It’s a chronic auto-immune disease wherein my body is attacking my thyroid in a way that makes it overwork itself and then crash. It’s a fairly daunting diagnosis, yes, but the thing is, it’s also given me space to breathe. You see, this disease explains *every* symptom I have experienced since before I realized they were happening.

This diagnosis is a gift for me. Now that I know the root cause of my health issues, I can move forward with that knowledge in mind. I can take steps toward a healthy future with a mostly-clear path ahead.

Since my diagnosis two weeks ago, I’ve started a treatment plan. My doctor told me it could be up to a month before I feel like myself again, but I’m already feeling so much better…as is evidenced by the fact that this blog post is being written and posted.

I’ve also been creating art lately, and even though it’s taking a minute to get back into the swing of it, I sure am falling in love with art, right back where I left off.

The quote above in the painting above, “I maybe should be scared, but I am fearless,” comes from one of my poems, “Tender Tingles” in The Rainbow Moment. I painted it with a group of artist friends a week before my doctor’s appointment. It wasn’t the deep-dive into creativity I’d been holding out hope for, but it was the perfect time to dip my toes back into creating.

I must say, it stirred a longing in my heart for the beauty I once saw everywhere.

And I am seeing it again.

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My Dear Hearts, I so look forward to writing again, and I can’t wait to share every word with you.